Fall off the kitchen chair and cut your chin WIIIIIIIDE open. Then make sure to look like you are on death’s door during the car ride to the ER so your mom starts losing her shit.
Step 2
Kick up the drama. Nothing says take care of me now DOCTOR like this face:
Step 3
Due to the recession Dr. Mom becomes a reality as she holds the bandage of numbing liquid to your gash.
Step 4
Have your significant other drop off a HAM:
Step 5
Glue that shit up and check out.
Honestly this was by far the BEST Emergency Room trip we have ever taken (and there have been a few). The physicians assistant Rob Speicher was unbelievably awesome! His attitude, willingness to help, and his interaction with the boy made Catcher feel as comfortable as he possibly could. Phenomenal.
Oh yeah & Catcher is totally fine. In fact he’s better than fine because he has become obsessed with the glue that is holding his chin together. Not bad for a Wednesday.
You own a restaurant. In Cleveland. You decide one night to go to the ‘new green ‘ restaurant in Cleveland. As you are entering the restuarant you decide that it is the appropriate time to talk shit about said restaurant and chef.
Twist.
The hostess (with the mostess) that you are standing next to while talking shit, happens to be the owner of the restaurant. You don’t have a clue (because you’re a schmuck) and you continue to slam the place you are about to dine in. The hostess’ ears perk up and she figures out which restaurant you own. You continue to go on and on blabberring ignorance. The hostess (with the mostess) wants to punch you in the throat. The hostess (with the mostess) keeps her grin and her cool. She asks you if you would like to be seated. You decided that the table you have been given isn’t good enough for you and walk out in a huff without letting above mentioned hostess know.
Keepin’ it Classy.
The above mentioned incident actually did happen. To me. At the time I was shocked and kind of hurt. However as I write this I think it is actually kind of funny…and sad. As I have said before our city kicks ass in the culinary scene. For the most part I really believe that the majority of independent restaurants and chefs stand behind each other in full support. It is too bad that not all restaurants and chefs are able to do the same. For someone (who actually owns a restaurant) to come into another restaurant with a chip on their shoulder is a bit ridiculous. Why come in at all?
For those of you who weren’t talking shit on Friday night, check out the Chef’s WKYC interview!
As y’all know I heart the pitbull. My own pitbull Potato is by far the best dog I have ever known, sorry Vito. My life would not be as awesome if I did not have him. He’s cuddly and reminds me of Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh. He has hella allergic skin and sometimes he tries to stick his tongue down my throat. At night his belly radiates and I rarely need a blanket. He rocks.
Last night before bed I noticed on Facebook (friend me!) that For The Love of Pits was in dire need of foster homes for pitbulls sentenced to euthanizing this morning. I immediately responded. Shana Klein, the director at For The Love of Pits wrote me back. They need help and I assured her I would post something here. So if you are looking for a companion or a great dog please contact Shana. If you can’t foster, like us, please DONATE some cash money. Every little bit helps and it may just be enough to save one dog’s life.
This is really how pitbulls sleep
***I have no affiliation with this organization I just can’t bear to hear about dogs dying. Especaially breeds I hold near & dear.
The Chef’s doesn’t hold grudges and he rarely gets mad at me. He is not a jealous soul and our relationship is quite independent of one another. He does however have beef with me. His beef has always been with my uncanny ability to meet/hangout with rockstars. This ability reached it’s peak about a year before the Chef & I got back together. It really just consisted of me (& my heterosexual life mate Jacqueline) going to shows and somehow ending up backstage. There was never any sex (at least on my end) and it was never a big deal in my mind. We just hung out. With famous musicians.
After the Chef & I got together this ability to meet & hangout with bands got put on the back burner. The Chef DID NOT want his girl going backstage and hanging out with rockstars. Completely understandable. However there has been strife with this ruling. When were at NIN I was asked if I wanted to go back stage by the stage manager. I asked if the Chef could come as well. They said yes and he said HELL NO. At the time I was a bit bummed but eventually my love and loyalty to the Chef made me not give a damn about going backstage anymore. Plus I’m pushin 30 and that’s like 60 in rockstar.
Last night my uncanny ability shone through a bit. While enjoying some fine vin at Lola I happened upon the Kings of Leon. They were dining and their bouncer offered us free tickets to the show. I told me friend I would ask the Chef and if he was cool with it I would go. Pausing for clarification: I don’t need to ask the Chef’s permission for anything I do or want to do. But out of respect for his sensitivity towards my concert past I choose too. Moving on.
I went to the show. And I am very glad I did. While I have always liked KOL I have never held them near & dear. I do now. Four things I immediately noticed at the show:
1~ On a few songs I definately heard the band’s Who influence. I know nothing about the band and their influences but that one was kinda hard to miss. Plus they are ON POINT live. On point.
2~ I put the lead singer in my top 5 after I saw their video for ‘Use Somebody.” Dead sexy. Up close & personal I realized he looks like the Chef, ca. 2003. It seems as though everyone who is in my top 5 is starting to resemble my husband. Looks as though I may have developed a type.
3~ Musicians and Chefs are alot alike. The stage is their kitchen and watching the band was kind of like watching The Greenhouse Tavern’s kitchen. Symbiotic and flowing with an ultimate outcome of pure beauty.
4~ Although we don’t do concerts well together, I really would have enjoyed the Chef’s company. He has always inspired my musical tastes because his kick ass and I would have liked for him to have seen such a fantastic live rock & roll show.
Although not as good as being front & center at the show, I did manage to get some video of the show. Including my absolute favorite song Use Somebody. Cheers & Beers bitches.
I had been hyping up to write a bitch post about how the Chef is never home and I am basically a stranded single mother and then came Mother’s Day. And my right to bitch got thrown out the window when the Chef gave me with the best presents ever.
I would have been happy with this as a present. Actually I would have been ecstatic. My toenails may have reached the point of no return. The pedicurist may have thrown up a little in her mouth as she filed. Moving on.
Present 2
Cedar Point Season Passes. My dad bought himself a nice little condo out in Sandusky that happens to be situated right next to Cedar Point. America’s mother f’n Rollar Coast. Home of best/worst rollar coaster ever, Disaster Transport. This summer we have planned on taking full advantage of the empty condo during the week and now with these passes we will actually have something to do. Besides drink and talk about yachting.
Present 3
We spent Mother’s Day at the above mentioned condo and came to Cleveland Monday eve. Imagine my surprise when I walked into a sunshine smelling super clean house with ALL (about 15 loads) of the laundry done. The Chef managed to have our house cleaned and all of our laundry done with the help of Sam, our kickass nanny, and some cleaning service peeps. My house and laundry room has never been cleaner. According to Catcher.
So what did I do to deserve all this? Hell what didn’t I do?
But seriously kids if you ever are looking for some husband material inspiration, look no further than that handsome tattooed Chef of mine. He raises the bar, really fucking high.
