Tomato Juice, A Girl, & An Airplane
Published in Widowism by chefswidowIf you read this blog you know that I hate flying. If you don’t read this blog, you should. Meh.
The fear began when I was younger, early adolescence I think. My grandma began taking my cousin and I on annual trips. I remember being so deathly afraid that my cousins hands still probably have scars on them from where I dug my nails in. My fear escalated and created ocd like airplane rituals. To this day I do the same exact things every single time I get on a plane:
Prepping for the flight in fear
1. As I step onto the plane, I kiss my hand and touch the metal outside of the airplane. I then make the sign of the cross. A bit odd for a grown woman who has a severe issue with faith and religion, but you must remember this started at a young age. My first memories of my flying fear began while I was in grade school, Catholic grade school. With Nuns.
2. When I enter the plane, I greet the flight attendant and look towards the cockpit. I then ask for the pilot’s name and when he/she (it’s never been a she mind you) hears their name spoken, they turn around. I then use my super detective skillz to see if they are:
- high on meth
- cracked out on ativan
- drunk
- or a hot mess
3. After reassuring myself that the pilot (s) can actually fly the plan if need be, I head to my seat. My WINDOW seat. I must always have a window seat. A bit crazy coming from someone who doesn’t like to fly, eh? I have my reasons, I’ll get to them soon.
4. Told you I’d get to them soon. My reason for needing a window seat is this: I like to watch the wings during takeoff and landing. I think this stems from my obsession with The Twilight Zone movie. I saw it when I was way young and I will never ever forgot this scene. It haunts me on every trip I take.
5. After takeoff I wait for the 2 bells. Once I hear the bells I know that we are safe…at least until we land. Now I have know idea what these two bells actually signify but I like to believe the aforementioned.
Biggie Smalls Takes After The Widow
6. When the beverage cart comes around I order a libation of tomato base. Blood Mary or juice. Depends on my mood or on whatever anti anxiety pill I am taking at that moment. Some mix well, some don’t (never used a puke bag, never want to). I don’t get the tomato juice thing. Recently I have noticed that the majority of people flying do the same. Do we think the smooth salty taste of the fruit vegetable will calm our nerves if we go down in a fire ball of flames? Others have also wondered the same and no one seems to know why everybody goes for the tomato when their feet leave the ground.
7. And last but not least, I rate the landing. To the pilots. I am THAT guy. As I walk out I say a number 1 being the best and 10 being a worst. They can’t hear but it makes me feel better just to know that there is a small chance they actually know why the crazy blonde with wild scared eyes says three. Don’t judge me. I have had many 5′s, a few 1′s, & one 10. Our pilot decided not to land the plane about 2 seconds before we hit the ground. We went up, up, up, and over Lake Erie in about 12 seconds and I seriously thought we were going to die. So did the Chef (although he would never admit, he ‘loves’ turbulance. Ha.)
As you can see I am a crazy mutha fucka when it comes to the airplane. Don’t judge. And if you happened to be sitting next to me on my next flight I promise I you won’t even notice my insanity. Unless of course they are out of tomato juice.
And if anyone knows the real reason for the mass tomato consumption in the air I would love to know! xoxo
This post was sponsored by Bev Force
‘Find a beverage job today with BevForce: the premier job listing and recruitment portal for the beverage industry.’
Clap
Hey Amelia, The best way to fly is get in first class and hold your glass out as they refill it with champagne. I’ve only done that twice when I worked for an airline and occasionally got to sit in first class on a pass. Not crazy about tomato juice so I probably mees up the results of your poll. See you soon. Hopefully on Sunday if not before.
I get so nervous/worked up I’ve taken numerous Xanax with no effect. I hate not having the feeling of control or being on the ground and knowing nothing is holding you up. It sucks.
I, also, hate flying. I hate everything about it. I hate driving to the airport, I hate parking the car, I hate taking the tram to the terminal, I hate checking in and praying they aren’t gonna charge me extra for my heavy luggage, I hate finding the gate, I hate waiting in those nasy ass seats, I hate boarding the plane like a bunch of cattle, I hate the take off, I hate the being tens of thousands of feet in the air for hours, I hate turbulence, I hate landing, and I hate everyone squeezing off the plane all at one. Just thinking of the smell of the airplane makes my skin itch.
But, most of all, I hate flying because I don’t think it should work. That plane is HEAVY! Gravity is STRONG! I hate flying.
I have enormous amounts of flight anxiety as well. I have tried sleeping pills and Xanax (or sleeping pills AND Xanax), and it doesn’t work. Alcohol (not a fan of tomato though, but I HAVE noticed the trend too. Weird).. I have to get drunk to even have enough balls to walk to my gate — which sometimes I have barely made it there AWAKE, let alone sober because of pills, but then I am COMPLETELY alert the second I hit my airline seat.
I get nervous knees, super sweaty — but I am like you, when I hear the first ding (meaning I can jam out to my iPod or play Tetris or something), I can calm down. Turbulence doesn’t really bother me all that much though — more annoying than anything. But oooh boy, when we land… I am a shivering, shaking, (un)holy mess of stuff. Sometimes I even start crying uncontrollably.
I have had many, many awful flights (at LEAST five 10s on your scale!!). It is something that has progressed over time (but hasn’t stopped me from traveling, including two trips to Europe). I always make sure that I say “thank you” to the pilot(s) when we are un(?)boarding. I used to do the rosary… when I was religious. And I traveled with a stuffed “traveling companion” animal up until about age 27. Ha!
Again, alcohol. Lots. That is all.
I’m thinking that the tomato juice thing has to do with flying being an opportunity to have a small amount of it, like a glass of it, without having to commit to buying a whole jar or six pack of it at home.
I mean really, how many people drink tomato juice regularly? Who wants to buy one of those big jars of it when you’ll only drink a small glass of it and waste the rest? Who wants to buy a whole six pack of the cans only to have them sitting in your cupboard for years? When you fly you get the chance to have a little glass of tomato juice and not have to worry about it.
I’ve even been one of those people who has a glass of tomato juice or a bloody mary when flying but not very often. Either of those bevs are like, the worst thing you can drink when you fly as they are so full of sodium.
I’m pretty O.K. with flying except for 2 things.
One, I can not deal with more than 8 hours on a plane especially in the cattle call of coach. Steve and I passed up an opportunity last year to go to China and stay with one of his colleagues because I refused to fly coach for that long and neither of us wanted to spend the miles or cash for 1st class for what would have only been a one week trip. Eight hours in coach is my max and even that is pushing it. When we travel to Europe we upgrade with miles when we can.
The second thing and this is a BIG thing and a thing that makes me take drugs and adjust my travel plans to avoid flying to or through certain airports. I can not handle ground delays. I am totally fine once we are taking off, in the air and landing but if we are stuck on the ground for more than a few minutes waiting to take off or waiting to get to a gate I FREAK. I totally feel claustrophobic and like I’m being held hostage.
Remember a few years back when folks were held on a plane in Detroit for like 8 hours during a snow storm? There is NO way I would have been able to handle that. I would have been arrested for opening the airplane door and trying to jump out or some other crazy thing. I am so afraid of that happening. I have all these little plans in my head of faking a heart attack or stroke so they would have to let me out of the plane. We were held for about an hour and a half recently and I was very close to the point of faking a heart attack and that was after a few valium. Oh.my.gawd. Just thinking about it writing this has my stomache flip flopping.
I agree with DianeS …i think the tomato juice is ripe for the picking on a plane. What else is perfect in that small little glass you get? And for some reason, you tend to sip on your drink in flight . Tomato juice is more sippable, than drinkable/chuggable/gulpable. And I think your taste buds tend to be a bit deadened in flight…i think the extra salt and complex vegetable flavors is something that may be “best experienced” at 30, 000 feet? It’s the perfect drink for flight…well, according to one’s mouth anyway!!!
I’ve never had the tomato juice offering but may contemplate it now. I try not to imbibe anything that might have to make me experience the commode vortex wenched in the 2 foot by 2 foot tango cube lined with black rubber circled flooring.
I have only flown 4 times and it was with a small child each time. It wasn’t bad, but when said child was a bit crazy it made me a bit crazy as well. Not sure I could fly now, I really like to drive.
I, too, hate flying. I take the Xanax approach and usually a few glasses of wine. I’ve also thrown in Benedryll and the occasion Tylenol PM- I swear I am not a drug addict. Once, a lady told me, after we landed, how peaceful I looked during the flight. I wanted to laugh and inform her I was passed out but I let that one go.
Every now and then my body, already feeling out of control, fights off the meds and booze and I sit there, white-knuckled, holding on and glaring out the window just waiting for something to go wrong.
I had a teammate in college, who I sat next to on a trip, tell me that she doesn’t like flying either but what gets her through it is thinking that the pilot wants to land that plane even more than we do.
I’ve found that I’m way worse on the way home because the excitement of whatever pending trip is now gone. I have some fairly good Flying Anxiety (Flyxiety, if you will) MP3s that I listen to that sometimes really help. I start listening to them about a week before a trip.
The good news is that you made it and had a great trip with your family!
Girl, I travel a lot, and while my belly flutters during takeoff and landing when I’m by myself, I am completely at peace when I’m next to my husband on a plane. I figure that if we go down, at least we’ll go together. Something about that calms me.
You remind me of my friend. When we flew to Acapulco, she was better but still did all these tricks to make her comfortable. On the way back, I thought she was going to rip off my hand because of the turbulence, no amount of wine could calm her down.