He’s not gonna die.
He’s not gonna die.
He’s not gonna die.
No matter how many times I say it, it still feels like a lie. Because eventually he is. Eventually he is going to die. And unfortunately, thanks to heroin, it will probably be in the near future.
Being related to an addict absolutely blows. It is a never ending journey of heartbreak and despair. Even when there is a chance that the addict is clean, the journey still sucks because anything, and I mean anything, can throw them over the edge. Quickly stick the needle back in the arm.
I HATE being related to an addict. I HATE what he does to all of us. I HATE that every time my phone rings after midnight I think it is the hospital telling me he’s dead. I HATE that my husband has to watch me shatter on a monthly basis. I HATE that I yell at my kids when he’s on my mind. I HATE what it does to my father, the only person who would give his life for him. And you know what…sometimes I HATE him.
No I don’t.
I want to hate him. But I can’t. I love him. I love who he was before he put that shit in his veins. I loved him when he made laugh countless times, over and over. He doesn’t do that anymore. All he does now is make me cry, over and over, over and over. His life has been overtaken and he is the only one who can take it back. I want him back. I miss him. I look at his picture on my desk every day and I can’t help but let the sadness overwhelm me. But there is nothing else I can do. We have done all we could do. We have walked down this road so many times that our backs are breaking, our feet are bleeding. There is nothing left to do but pray.
Being related to an addict absolutely blows.
***On a lighter night, my local holiday challenge is still going on. One lucky reader is going to win some really really rad prizes including: an autographed copy of Mike Symon’s book Live to Cook, Banyan Tree gift set, 4 tix to Playhouse Square, 12 piece box of Lilly Handmade Chocolates, Greenhouse Tavern Riedel wine glasses, gift card to La Cave Du Vin, Erie Island gift card, and a Room Service tee. Enter today!
***My girlie Alexa is also having a sweet giveaway especially if you are in the market for a laptop. Like I am.
It’s tough, Amelia. My aunt passed last year after years and years and years of her addiction to well, everything. The family tried so many times to get her help — yet she never accepted her problem. Unfortunately, we all knew it would happen one day. And it did. I can say, that as much as it hurts, she is no longer battling and no longer in pain, so I suppose that keeps me grounded in her death.
But as a young child, I idolized her — she was the fun, party aunt! Needless to say, the fun got worse and worse for her, until her untimely death. She had just turned 50.
The saddest part of her death was upon the discovery of the coroner ruling her death a suicide.
I am so sorry. I love your honesty about the situation. It’s inspiring.
You have a great heart, and you are a wonderful writer.
Mel, I am so sorry. I can’t imagine what that feels like and I pray everyday that I don’t ever know that kind of pain.
Fred and Wendy, thank you for your support, it makes a difference.
Amelia….
my heart aches for you…..I cried reading this post…….even though I have never experienced this, I can see how much you are hurting……I will pray for peace in your life….and for strength……
amelia – you and your family are in my thoughts.
<3
widow- i am an alcoholic. if you have never read my blog, i finally got the link put on there. i know that watching an alcoholic/addict’s life go down the tubes is hard. not only do i have it, i have watched many alcoholic’s go back out after being sober for a much as years. it happens. i learned quite a few powerful lessons by living with a few acoholics since i have been sober. i know it doesnt make it any better, but they were sober when we started dating. then things went downhill. my biggest problem was that i couldnt help but to enable them. i gave them money, i let them stay without paying for any rent, i let them sit at home, steal from me….this list goes on and on. its hard. its harder not to enable them, this can be something as small as answering the phone and giving them a ride somewhere. i know its hard, especially when you love this person. I KNOW. the biggest lesson i learned is to do nothing. i had to kick out my alcoholic ex out onto the streets, only to have him come back to get his stuff and terrorize my home. i fought back, but thats besides the point. i heard soon after that he did infact get sober. i dont know much about him now, but thats what had to happen. i had to STOP everything i was doing, even the small things before i could say ENOUGH is ENOUGH. i dont know much about dating a chef. i can go on and on about dating alcoholics/addicts. i have lived thru it. al-anon meetings are everywhere. it might help. otherwise, you can email me or go to my blog and post a comment. im NOT shy in any way shape or form about giving advice about dealing with us. and in case you are wondering, i am an addict too, because for me, alcohol is a drug. and im very sorry if there are multiple misspellings, i bumped my head earlier and the black on white is hurting my eyes. im here for ya. if you can help me date a chef
My heart goes out to you and your family. I hope that somehow, someway your brother has the strength to save himself. . .if not for himself, but for you and your family*
Loving an addict is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. You are your family are in my thoughts. Stay positive.
I don’t HATE the addict in my family either but I certainly hate what he does to our family. It’s horrendous. And he’s been doing it since I was a little girl (a brother of mine…) And now he’s ruining his own family.
I’m sorry for you pain and also sorry that I can totally relate. Hang in there…
Late to the party but I understand this in many ways. My sister is herione addict. How did we find htis out. After my mom passed away 5 yrs ago things started missing at my parents house. Dad and I started piecing things together from calls, correspendence etc. I have had her arrested, visited her in a psych ward due to telling them she was sucidal at jail which she was not. Called the police to verify a body they found in the city where she was living was not her. the list is endless and my enabling her until this year painful. Yes, I enabled her by being the one she would call when problems arose and putting money on her account in jail. I finally decided to say enough. As I write she is a prison for stealing from my father. She tells him she is better and everythign is going to be grand. I can bet she will run and not be responsible again. It is a horrible thing to watch. All I can say is I’m sorry for you and your family. NO, I do not hate her just not in love with her lifestyle. I just keep hoping she finds peace before the demon of herione kills her.
Elaine, Chef in Training, and Charlene
Thank you for sharing your stories. It does make such a difference to know that others have travelled down the road before. I am sorry that you are affected by addiction, your own or another’s. It is such a horrible disease but I think talking about it out in the open can help.
You are all in my thoughts.
xoxo
Amelia