What is your name & what kind of widow are you?

My name is Sabine Filoni and my husband is Dominique Filoni.  What “type”?  Proud and accepting.  I am proud because we’ve been married for thirteen years, worked together, built businesses together, weathered storms, started a family and still love each other like crazy.  I’m proud of his talent and accomplishments (Best New Chef 2004, was the youngest French Master Chef in America, etc.) and accepting because I know that he will never pull in the driveway at 5:30 every week night to have dinner with us, to spend weekend going to soccer games, etc.

Being with a Chef in a successful relationship means accepting the lifestyle including the number of hours worked, the crazy days and times of the work, the focus or obsession with food.  You can’t be with a Chef and complain down the line – - just like you can’t cross the jungle and complain about the wild animals.

Where is your casa & what is your jobby job?

We are currently living in Little Silver, NJ about three miles from the beach.  Dom is chef at a swankly French brasserie on the ocean.   He is from St. Tropez and he the restaurant is modeled after the beach clubs of the French Riviera.  How perfect is that?

I was in the restaurant business for twenty years, mostly as a manager. We worked together for years until we decided to start a family.  I grossly underestimated the change that it would have on our lives and careers.  Initially, we had a nanny during the day, but we quickly realized that it was better for me to be home.  I started a business renting luxury vacation properties in the Caribbean and, four and a half years later, am still running my business from home.  It’s great because I get enough adult time, but still get to be with the family. We also have a few investment properties, so I handle those.

How long have you been in a relationship with someone in the ‘industry?’

Dom and I have been together 14 years.  He was cooking in Paris while I was singing there eight blocks away, but we never met.  Six months later in Philadelphia, he was having dinner at a restaurant where I worked, Striped Bass.  I saw him from across the room and must have recognized him because I couldn’t take my eyes off of him.  Later that night, he showed up at the employee Christmas party and I approached him.  He had only been in the country ten months and didn’t speak much English.  Five minutes later, he had his arm around me, we were drinking Champagne and were talking about how great it would be to go to Paris together.  (We’ve since been four times.)

What is your biggest turnoff or dislike of being a Chef’s/Restaurant Widow?

Initially, there were none.  We worked together 90 hours a week, traveled together, spent every minute together, had fun days off together . . .  Once kids came along, it became pretty clear that I was shouldering the responsibility for the children.  Dom is the best, but if he’s working, he’s not here.  I like to say that I’m a single mom whose boyfriend really loves my kids.  Awful, I know.  He was living in Washington DC while I was in Pennsylvania with a two year old, one year old and newborn, trying to sell the house without a realtor and run a business.  I would have developed a nasty dependence on alcohol, but I didn’t have enough time.  Seven months later, we were back together.  Dom’s current position means that he works his tail off in the summer, then work less in the off season.  He now gets to see the kids for an hour in the morning before they go to school.

Another downside is that I worry about him.  I hope that years of difficult physical work, long hours on his feet, etc. won’t take a toll on his health.

What is your favorite aspect of being a Chef‘s/Restaurant Widow?

I love tasting his food and the pride I feel when people talk about the restaurant.  Got to say I love the perks!  Traveling to Quebec, France, Italy, Aspen, cruise, etc. were all a direct result of his hard work and talent.  I love going with him to television shoots and prepping for him and watching him on camera.

It must be the tween in me:  I thoroughly enjoy hearing about celebrities when he cooks for them.  Elton John, Michael Jackson, Beyonce and Jay Z on their wedding weekend, Karl Lagerfeld, etc.  I want to know how they act and what they eat.  Maybe I should get a life????

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