I broke down in front of my son today after receiving some upsetting financial news. I lost it. I fucking lost it. The tears overflowed and my son looked into my watery eyes and begged me to stop being sad. He tugged hard at my leg and told me he loved me and wished I would stop my eyes. I couldn't stop though. The stress, the emotional bullshit I have been balling up inside just exploded and I couldn't stop. He just kept begging me to stop being sad and I couldn't.My heart shattered over and over and over. Today for the first time ever I felt like I did not deserve to call myself a mother.
Someday I may be able to forgive myself for allowing my son to watch me have a complete emotional breakdown. But I will never be able to forget those sad blue eyes and his loving words. Ever. They will always burn inside of me. My heart will never go back to the way it was.
I need a break. And I don't no how to take one. But I am going to try my damnedest. For the next week I am going to take my family on a staycation. I am going to turn off the computer and give the 'ole widow a rest. I may tweet here and there but my posting will be non existent. If you are a reader/blogger/writer/photographer, please feel free to email me guests posts and I will gladly put them up on Chef's Widow.
But as of tonight, for the next 7 days I am going to concentrate on me. I am going to concentrate on my son. My daughter. My husband. My doggies. My family...
I need them right now. They will heal my broken self.
See you in a week!
PS. Thanks for being the best readers a girl could ask for. Your love, support, and words change my life everyday! Big Kisses~