A Decade of PBR

Early 20's, Widow Style .  Please take note of the fags in the ashtray.

This weekend marks my last weekend in my twenties.  On Monday I will turn 30.  And I am quite happy about it.  I have been reflecting this week without even knowing it and I have come to the conclusion that my life turned out OK.  I turned out OK.

I never thought 30 was in my future.  I could never picture myself at 30.  Honestly.   Having somewhat of a destructive nature I never thought I would make it past 25.  Somehow I did.  My early twenties started out a bit rough.  I partied.  I had fun.  I lived the fuck out of my life.  I also got into serious debt, stayed in an emotionally devastating relationship, and abused many of my own relationship with my friends and family.  There were many dark days.   I lived thru them. I didn't have my shit together but who does at 21?

My bestest ex-assistant (and now super DEAR friend) in the entire world & I live it up in da club.

My life began to reveal it's purpose when I moved to NYC.  I had always been a gypsy however I had never done anything as bold as that.  I packed my car with some clothes, my dog, and $300 and drove to a city that I had never even been to.  That year changed my life (obviously) forever.  It defined who I would be a thirty.  Hell it gave me a chance to live to thirty.

The Bestest Friends a Widow could have

Since then my life has molded itself into something quite spectacular.  The unattainable has become attainable and the funny thing is that I didn't even know I wanted it.  I never saw myself as a wife.  I sure as hell never saw myself as a mother.  But somehow just 3 days before I reach another one of life's turning points I see myself as precisely that.  I have managed to get my shit together exactly the way I needed.  I am about to turn 30 and my life feels quite complete.  I feel balanced and alive.  I have a passion for my life now that I never thought would be possible and I am so glad it is.  I am immensely looking forward to my thirties and am stoked to see what each new day with my family will bring.  I will approach each new day with anticipation and with gratitude for the days that I have had.

Life can be a fascinating thing.  It can be awful and painful and beautiful and light all in the same moment.  Time keeps reminding us of this.  With each wrinkle, with each spot, with each ache that wasn't there the year before. We just keep living.  We embrace life with a passionate fervor and never look back.   We find our reason.  Our purpose in this life.  At 30 I know that I am lucky enough to have found mine:

2009-05-10_7756

The man (my dad) who started it all with my two reasons for waking up each day.

If you wanna nanna wish me the happiest of happiest, please vote for my sexy ass in the Nickelodeon's Parent's Pick for BEST LOCAL BLOG in Cleveland.  Kisses.