A Widow Weekend

Saturdays make it very easy for me to feel sorry for myself.  When the majority of families are spending time together, I'm on my own.

By the end of the day I was cursing the restaurant, the chef, and this life.

I went to sleep alone.

When I woke up I was smothered by a smelly chef, a stinky pit bull, a naked five year old, a fat pug, and a princess.  Saturday was immediately forgotten.

As we started our day I looked around at the faces the followed me and realized that even though I am alone the majority of the time, the love I receive when we are all together makes up for it.

Saturday's suck.  They always will.  But Sundays, Sundays will always be our day.  The day when we truly  realize how fortunate we are.  The day that brings us together and reminds us that even though our time together is limited, our family is strong.

Louisiana Time

She calls is Louisiana Time.  He hops and the bus and her time begins. We sing a song to commence Louisiana Time.

Mamma and Lulu, Mamma and Lulu.  Mamma.  Lulu.  Mamma.  Lulu.

We spend the next 6 hours exploring the world and each other as only best friends can.

We dance, we sing, we play.  We hold hands.  We kiss.  It's our time now.  Mamma and Lulu.

We run fast, we play hard, we swing high.  Mamma and Lulu.  Mamma and Lulu.

She cracks jokes, I laugh.  I tickle, she runs.  She is the most amazing girl I have ever known and I get to spend each day with her.  She yells and cries and smiles and sings all at once, and it is the most beautiful sound ever.  She is the happiest, and she is all mine.

Mamma and Lulu.  Mamma and Lulu.

Kindergarten, Kindergarten

It took me a very long time to make the kindergarten decision. The boy's birthday is in July so he is a young five. Everyone had an opinion. Hold him back Amelia, or he will have low self esteem. He is ready to go Amelia, if he doesn't he will be bored. Boys who are held back have behavior problems. He's too small to go to kindergarten. He needs to be challenged. One more year of preschool will hurt him developmentally, Amelia. So on and so on...

In the end, the Chef and I made the decision together. We based it on the Chef's experience with school as they are very much alike. The Chef had always had a problem focusing but found that this challenge eventually molded him into the man he is today, a thirty year old passionate man with the biggest work ethic I have ever seen. I couldn't ask for more for my son.

So we let him go. We signed him up for kindergarten and let our little boy go to become the man he is supposed to become.

Anyone else go through the kindergarten jitters?  How is it all turning out for ya?

Five Years

I love him so much that I want to get his face tatto'd on my person.

The boy turns five today and I must admit that if life were a movie and I was Doc Brown, I would surely hop in the Doloren & relive the past five years.  As years go, they were in fact, the best years of my life.  The absolute best.

He is my superhero.

He makes me laugh till I pee myself over and over.  He  kisses my eyelids and tells me I'm the prettiest girl he's ever seen. He changes the shape of my soul with his smile.  He is my world.  He makes me mad, and oh so happy.  His feet grow too fast and his turn purple in the light of dusk.  His is my light, my sweet love.  But most importantly he is my teacher.  He teaches me about why I was put on this planet.  He teaches me how to believe.  He gives me a faith I never believed existed.

Happy Birthday my  love.  I adore you more than ink will ever let me tell.  So does your sis:

Can't wait to know you (& your giant brian) for the next five Catcher.  xo

Lulu Hits The Two Year Mark

Today is the 731st day of your life.  Those 731 days have been the best days of my life.
Happy Birthday my love.  My sweet Louisiana, my baby lulu, my angel.  You make my life way better than anything I could have ever imagined.  Thank you for being so spectacular, so creative, so sweet.  I love you madly.

Special thanks to The Walkmen for having such a cool song named after my daughter.

Meany Meany Meany Me

It's Friday night and I am sitting in front of a computer screen trying to collect all of my thoughts that have been bopping around my head for the past 14 days.  It's not working. Quick Summary: the move was trying.  The kids were difficult.  The Chef was aloof. I was mean.

I do not handle extreme amounts of stress well.  When I am overwhelmed at every which way I look, I tend to get a bit dicey.  Bitchy if you may.

This move may have shown me in a less than perfect light to my husband.  Ok.  I came off as a complete asshole.  I lost my mind.  I just couldn't handle all the packing and the kids and the dogs and the bills while he went off to work.

I am used to our life.  I get the hours.  I know he works he ass off constantly.  I understand that if he is not in that restaurant 15 hours/day we will not do not have a future.  I understand that to my soul.  But sometimes it is just so hard and I get so tired.

This move broke me.  At least for a moment.  And in that moment I thought about all the what if's...

What if he wasn't a Chef?

What if we didn't own a restaurant?

What if I was single?

What if I never had kids?

What if I lived in Key West and drank Hurricanes all day and taught scuba?

What if?

And then I slapped my self, drank a glass of Cantillon (my ale of choice) and listened to some Tori (cause girl always cheers me up).

I love what the Chef does.  I love our life.  It is fucking hectic and sometimes when I close my easy it's too easy to picture a different life.  But that's the thing.  It would be too easy to have a different life.  I don't want easy.  Even though I bitch when times are tough, I like it when times are tough.  It shows me that the man I married three years ago (this week) and I can get through anything.  We may not like each other for 5 minutes and we may yell but at the end of it all I know that I will be proud of our life.  Our life.  The life we somehow created between two crazy kids who dated in high school, became best friends in college, and fell in love in New York City.

Happy Anni (#2) Chef.  3 down.  100 to go.

1460.9688 Days of Catcher!

Two Years ago today I couldn't believe how time flew.

Three Years ago today I was still in awe that you were actually mine.

Today I am so delighted to be lucky enough to watch you grow.  Every day is an honor to me.  You make my days vibrant and beautiful.  Sometimes the things you say sound so adult.  You make sense of things that took me years to figure out.  Your memory is rememarkable and your sensitivity shocks me.  I am so madly in love with you.  Today you have been on this Earth for 1460.9688 days .  The best of my life.

I am so proud of the little man that you are.  I am so proud that you are who you are at all times without falter.  You hold nothing back.  Your creativity is exponential.  Life is yours and you have no problem living it.  Your face, your smile, they way you demand that I give you a hug every morning.  Mawwwwm GIVE me a hug. Those words could be the last I have ever hear, and my life would be more than complete.

I know that you are destined to be a great man.  At 4 I can see who you will be at 34, at 44, at 94. Each day I have to punch myself in the face to actually understand that you are real.  You are incredible my boy.  Thank you for choosing me.  Thank you for being the boy who spotaneously rocks out to punk music evey day all day.  You are a constant inspiration for me to fully live.

Happy birthday C-money.  I heart you 8 billion 9 hundred 94 thousand and 3.

Soundtrack of My Childhood

I am strangely sad over the news of Michael Jackson's death.  I heard the news via Twitter before it was actually confirmed and knew it was true.  My heart hurt for a moment.  It was so weird. I felt like I lost someone who I had been close with my entire life.  I was though.  Close with him.   As were you.  We all were.  How could we not be.  His life was a real life Truman Show.  He grew up on film.  He lived on a film.  He died on film. I think that my heart hurt because Michael Jackson never stood a chance.  I know he was odd.  He dyed his face for chrissake.  Something must have happened in your past to physically alter your skin color. Besides the point. From that moment his mean daddy put him on that stage, his life had ended.  A shell of a man was born.  A man who we will never know the intricacies of.  We will never know if he was as fucked up as he seemed.  But we shouldn't know.  He is not our brother.  He was not our friend.  Even though we were told  he was by the media's our obsession with his life from child to man.

I am sad for his family.  I am sad that my kids will never see his concert live like I did.  But that sadness only lasts a moment, for as I turn on the soundtrack of my childhood and dance with my own children, the sadness fades.  Michael Jackson taught us that music can do that. It can make the hard times a little bit easier simply by dancing to the music.

Louisiana shocked me yesterday when she started Moonwalking during our MJ Tribute Dance Party

Catcher has some serious moves. Thinking of selling him to Michael Flately.

Cleveland in June...is Fun!

June 17th Music in the Meadow: Mo' Mojo

June 17th WOW: Wade Oval Wednesdays

June 18th Coventry Street Fair

June 20th Cleveland Museum of Art's Summer Solstice Party

June 22nd Polycultures DVD Release Party at The Greenhouse Tavern

The Chef talks food where we live

June 24th Happily Ever After

June 27th Cleveland Yogapalooza

June 27th Blues Night

I think I am going to try and start doing this once a month.  I know that I have a hard time finding cool events for families so maybe this will make it a little easier.  If you know more June happenings (or July for next months) pleasse feel free to leave comments and I will try and post them.

And if you are eternally bored today head on over to vote for the Widow on Nickelodeon's Parents Picks for Best Local BLIZog.  Shameless, I know.


Making Mini Golf Fun


I absolutely abhor mini golf, however mini golfing with these two makes it a helluva lot more interesting!

I've got nothing peeps.  Today is cold for summer and I am on day two of no smokes.  I am an absolute riot to be around.  My sincere apologies.

If you have kids (or if you don't) and you are in the Cleve you should definitely check out the parade at the circle tomorrow.  The Chef, Biggie, & I are heading down early (Catcher will be in the 'dusk at Cedar Point).  See you there!


Start weekend off right by voting for this crazy ass blog in Nickelodeon's Best Local Blog contest.  Kisses.