Three Years Ago Today

My life would forever be changed. Three years ago today I got to meet the love of my life, my best friend, my son.

I was a child then.  Recently unemployed and living on the lower east side with my boyfriend.  I was scared shitless. I was unsure about my future.  I was unsure about my life.  I had never wanted a child.  I had never wanted a husband.  All I can remember ever wanting is to travel and move.  Travel and move.

When I told your father, my high school sweetheart and current live in boyfriend, he was estatic.  I almost dropped dead.  His career was on the rise and having a baby was not plush to the culinary path of a chef in Manhattan.  He could have cared less.  "Whatever I wanted to do," he said.  "Whatever I wanted to do."

At 24 I had no idea what the fuck I wanted to do.

It all happened so fast.  But your father's reaction to our pregnancy confirmed what I had always known since I was 15.  He would be the man I would marry.  He would negate all of the other bullshit relationships I had before and I would negate his.  He had always been my number one and I his.  My love for him exploded.

As you grew in my belly my soul was transformed.  In some ways I became the woman I never was.  I was always a girl in a Renaissance woman's body.  I had never wanted to grow up.  I had a major Peter Pan complex at 24.  I loved life.  I loved attention.  I loved to party.  When I could felt you move in my big 'ol belly my heart broke.  I was experiencing something I never knew I wanted to experience.  It was my heaven.

Three years ago today after a grueling 48 hours of labor you pushed through my lady parts and made an appearance.

Since that day I became the mother I was supposed to be.  The first year was new and shiny and exciting.  We were partners in crime.  Daddy was in the kitchen and mommy and Catcher were in the park.  We explored NYC like we were Japanese tourists.  We read books in the stacks at the Brooklyn Library.  We went to Gymboree in a mansion on 8th Ave.   As a family we did everything together.  We took you to eat at some of the yummiest restaurants in the city.  We went to the top of the Empire State building and looked down.  But most of all we both (your daddy & I) loved you with every breath we took.

You were 1.5 years old when I found out that your sister was growing in my belly.  We decided that there was no way in hell that we could swing our $2500/ month rent and two kids.  We packed up the Tek' and drove back to the CLE.  You grew taller and bigger each day.  You ate fennel and mato's and tree's like it was you job.

We moved back and that was it.  Our family was formed.

You turned two and could go to the pody by yourself.  I did nothing.

Everyday I am amazed at your brillance.  You blow me away.  The things you say, the things you know.  You are my boy, you hold my heart in your hand and I love you.  You taught me the definition of love and i will forever be yours.

Love more,


Happy Third Birthday Catcher.  I will always be yours.