Il Diablo Lives Next Door

When we lived in Brooklyn our house here in Cleveland was rented out.  We rented it to a husband and wife from Michigan.  The woman was prego and at first they seemed quite normal.  And then the craziness happened.  I could go on and on about how insane they were but I won't make you experience what I did.  In the end they ended up breaking their lease and buying the house directly next door.  That's right the Chef & I would be destined to live next to the crazies.  When they broke their lease we had just found out we were expecting Biggie Smalls so we decided to move back to the heartland. Within two months of being back in the Cleve our crazy ex-renter neighbors moved.  They said nothing.  They were just gone.  A few months after that a family of four moved in.  The boys were a little older than Catcher but they were super nice and loved including him in their play.  Catcher had a blast.   One summer day, I was in the front yard with Catcher and the boys.  Their dad came home and asked me about the previous tenants.  Turns out this family was renting the house from our old neighbors while they waited for their house to be built.  That morning a man came and served them eviction papers.  The house had been foreclosed and our ex-renters were illegally renting it out.  I felt terrible for the family because they were three months away from moving into their house and now had to frantically search for a new place to live.  Catcher was devastated because 'his boys' would no longer going to live next door.

Fast forward a year and the house is for sale.  A bank buys it for half of the price it was bought for by my ex-renters.  And then...a family moves in.  A family with three boys.  At first I was excited for my son.  He would be able to play and run and spend the summer outside with his new friends.  After their FIRST night in the house I knew that the scenario that played in my head would never happen.  I would never allow him to play with those boys.  

I was home by myself (shocker I know) and the kids.  Biggie just fell asleep and the boy and I were hanging outside.  I heard some yelling in the front yard and went to check it out.  The neighbors were in the middle of the street chasing a car screaming 'asshole'.  I was floored.  This continued for quite sometime and at first I let it go.  Then they moved on to yelling next to my house.  Next to baby girl's room.  It was 9pm.  I was getting aggravated pissed and concerned that baby girl would wake up.  I stuck my head out of the house and politely asked them to be quite.  They went into their house and I assumed it was over.  Not even close.  

They went into their house and started pounding on their windows.  The windows are about 10' away from my girl's windows and I was getting really angry.  They showed no signs of stopping.  

I wrote the following five minutes after my first encounter with this family:

At that moment I became the woman who walks over to her new neighbors house to talk to the parents of the three rowdy ass kids that are bangin on my daughter's window while she sleeps and chasing cars down the street all the while screming 'asshole.'

Yep.  I almost called the cops too.  But my aversion to law enforcement overcame my jusdgement.

Seriously though.  How the fuck do you let your 3 children (who are all under the age of 10) chase cars down the street?  How the fuck do you not hear them banging on the windows for 5 straight minutes?  How?  

I walked over, rang the bell, and this neighborhood chick who hangs on the street answered.  I asked if a paretn was home and her reply was 'sort of.'  Well my little friend, get the parent to the fucking door before I start banging on YOUR windows.  The mom, I think, maybe a girlfriend answered and told me that she couldn't hear them because she was in the other room.  Not quite sure but I am thinking they must have some kind of safe room in their house because I could hear those animals 1 lot over.

She assured me that they would shut the fuck up so my girl wouldn't be woken up.

They did.

But now I'm the asshole who introduced myself to the new neighbors in a fit of rage for fear that my daughter wouldn't get a full night's sleep.  Shit this summer is gonna be loooooooong.

Any readers need a house?

Since that day the boys have had the cops called on them numerous times.  One time they decided to walk into someone's house while the people were home.  The people were old and they obviously thought they were getting robbed so they called the cops.  Catcher has dubbed the boys 'mad boys.'  He tries to say hi and they are mean to him.  One day he told them he was a superhero and they told there were no superhero's.  He was absolutely devastated.  

Last night was the clincher.  The Chef & I were at an event and I left the kids with my fabulous sitter, Christa.  At 9m she sent me this text: "I just had to yell at the mad boys next door.  They're little shitheads!"  At 9.15pm I received this text: "They were spraying water into the windows at Catcher.  Then one of them started to pee outside of his window."  Needless to say I lost my shit.  I called home and Christa told me that Catcher was scared.  I told the Chef and he told me to call the cops.  My aversion to law enforcement was again prevailed and we headed home. 

Last night was my breaking point with these animals.  I understand that boys will boys.  I get that.  I am married to a boy.  But I am not going to let my child be scared to play outside.  I am not going to live in fear because some parents don't know how to tell their kids to stop being assholes.   I want Catcher to play in his neighborhood and I want him to have friends.  Some of the Chef's best friends are people he lived by when he was a child.  Those relationships are important but you can bet your ass that my kids are not going to have any relationship with the above mentioned monsters.