Cruisin' The Ocean Blue

In my short 31 years I have been on over 10 cruises. My grandparents would take all of the cousins on a cruise every summer. The last one I went on with them was 10 years ago, I was 21. This past March, the Chef, the mini's, and myself embarked on a cruisin' adventure. This is where I compare both experiences. Cruisin' as a teen & cruisin' as an adult. Sounds like fun yeah? What I learned on the cruise as a teenager:

Drinking underage is totally fun.

Gambling underage is totally fun.

International waters are totally fun.

English boys named Anton with unlimited money to burn are pretty cool to hang out with.

Blackjack dealers named Godofredo will help you win lots and lots of money.

Liquor with flecks of gold in it should never be consumed in mass quantity.

If liquor with gold flecks in it is drank in mass quantity on a cruise ship, it is more than likely that one will puke gold on said cruise ship.

Having your grandma call the captain because you are not in your bed at 5 am is not as embarrassing as one would think. Prolly because you had been drinking gold flecked liquor.

If a cruise ship employee invites you down to his room, run like the wind.

The song Blue, you know the one, I'm Blue Dabadee Dada, will be forever ingrained in your mind. Forever and ever.

At 16, cruise ships are quite possibly the most awesome place in the world.

What I learned on a cruise ship as a wife, mother, and 31 yr. old: There are a lot more old people than I remember.

All old people hate my children. And any other child on the ship.

Speaking of old people, they sure do like to complain.

Seeing the islands by way of the cruise ship is lame. You get the most 'americanized' version of whatever country you are in. For someone who likes to immerse themselves in different cultures, this sucks. I don't want to eat a fucking cheeseburger in Puerto Rico yo. I want to eat rice and beans in a diner on the corner.

Drinking (heavily) while your asshole kids splash everyone in the pool on the other side of the deck is the norm and socially accepted by all and my least favorite thing about the ship. Every five seconds my heart dropped to my stomach when I would see a four year old swimming by his lonesome while mommy drank her Bahama Mama in the corner.

By day three, seeing your husband every waking moment is now not so much romantic as it is annoying. There is a REASON I married into the restaurant industry. I don't need to be attached at the hip with the Chef. He's great and all, however to 'together' time make widow and chef go crazy.

Cruise ship food is nasty especially if you happen to like REAL food. It is also borderline outdated. It's not the 90's anymore cruise ships, time to start thinking globally and locally.

Playing Blackjack while the kids are at cruise ship camp is way fun. Especially when your husband is taking home the bank.

People from Malaysia are incredibly polite.

Cruise ships have the same internet service that they had 10 years ago. $1.00 a minute for less than stellar dial up is complete bullshit. Get with the times cruise ships or at least offer free Facebook.

The kids club and spa are the best parts of the cruise ship. Drop the kids off at the club, head to the spa.

The islands that I once thought would be so AWESOME to live on are not that livable at all. {Excluding Puerto Rico, where I'm pretty sure I could easily live} In fact they are mildly depressing if you are an animal lover. Every island we went to had a massive wild dog problem. Super sad.

And last but not least:

The fact is that while I had a blast on cruise ships when I was underage drinkin' and gamblin', it didn't even come close to how awesome it is to watch your own kids have an insane amount of fun (good clean fun that is). The food & bullshit sense of culture is completely negated when you get to spend actual quality time with your family. I finally figured out why my grandma took us on a boat every summer...


Speaking of my grandma, this post is dedicated to you gma, somehow you saw who I would become even during those crazy cruise ship times.  Miss you everyday.