Sex Dreams & Fake Husbands

My real husband and my twitter husband

I've been on the twitter for quite a few years now and I often find myself being referred to as Mike Symon's wife. Not sure why, as my profile clearly says that I be married to this dude. Whatevs. 

About once a week someone tweets something about Mike to me. Sometimes it's a congrats for Mike's success on The Chew, sometimes it's a link to press about 'my husband' Mike, but most of the time it's to tell me how lucky I am to be married to such a hot dude.

To some, Mike is probably a hot guy. To me, he's like a brother. He's my dude. He's my confident and my mentor. His wife is also one of my favorite women in the entire universe, so looking at him like a 'hot guy' is just not ok for me. Plus I totally have a type, and greek boys they are not. My type often wears jhorts, is bearded and shaggy looking, and most likely looks homeless when you first meet them. In short, I like grungy boys who go by the name Sawyer. Michael Symon is neither of those.

Last Saturday as I was falling asleep waiting for the Chef to come home, I responded to a tweet about my 'husband' Mike. I LOL'd back and told her he wasn't my man, just my good buddy. Shortly after, the melatonin I took earlier in the evening kicked in and I was sound asleep. My beauty rest was rudely interrupted around 4am when I awoke abruptly after having the most wildly inappropriate disturbing dream I have ever had. I felt dirty and ashamed and could barely look my real husband in the eyes. I had a sex dream. Worse, I had a sex dream about one of my best guy friends. Can you see awkward?

Ugh**. Damn you melatonin and your cray cray dreams. Damn you Twitter for all of your 140 character assumptions. Now I would never be able to talk to my friend Mike again!


Lesson learned: Don't talk about your fake husband on twitter before a melatonin induced sleep or there is a VERY good chance you will have a wildly inappropriate risque dream about him that will forever change you and make you avoid his phone calls for the next 2 weeks if not 2 months. 

(no offense symon) (love you sawyer)

  **this post is meant to be funny. I love Mike and think he's cute. Not as cute as my dirty hipster, but cute nonetheless.