Bitchy Resting Face

Bitchy Resting Face...Is there a pill for this???

Bitchy Resting Face...Is there a pill for this???

Yesterday my daughter looked up at my face and said "mommy why are you mad?"  "I'm not mad," I replied. "But mommy your face looks mad." The past couple of days this has been a common conversation between my 6 year old and myself. I know why I look mad. I'm just not sure how to tell her that I have been blessed with bitchy resting face. When my face is not in a smile, I look unhappy. I can't help it,  I was born this way. We've all got our crosses to bear and mine is BRF. Throughout my entire life I have always gotten into trouble for having a "mean look" on my face. When I was young my parents used to scold me for giving mean looks at them when the fact was, I simply wasn't. It was just my face. For the majority of time, I smile like crazy but when I am not smiling, if I am just simply resting my face, I have a tendency to look like Maleficent. My resting face can cut a bitch.

The phenomenon of bitchy resting face was called out front and center a few years back after a video about it was put on YouTube. I felt a little better about myself after the clever and SO TRUE video came out because it put a name to the reason everyone always assumes I'm a bitch.  I'm not though (most of the time) and it absolutely guts me to think that for even a second my sweet baby girl could think I am unhappy being around her. 

But you guys. I'm not mad. It's just my face.  And see I totally smile. SEE ------------------------->>>>>

But when your daughter asks why you are mad in her presence, you can't really say "Well honey, I have bitchy resting face. When I'm not smiling I look like a mean ass bitch." I tried to explain it to her that my face when I'm not smiling just looks like I'm a little mad but that didn't work at all. She kept insisting that I was mad, and I kept trying to explain that I wasn't mad, which then made me a little mad. So we came up with a plan. During the day we are going to smile at thirty different random people. She is going to remind me to smile more so maybe my resting bitch face can take a backseat for a little while. I started yesterday at The Cleveland Clinic and even though I got a few "why the fuck are you smiling at me looks," the majority of people smiled back.

And if doesn't work there's always plastic surgery. Permagrin here I come. 

The Rogue Fingerling

Once upon a time there was a potato.  He was part of the fingerling family and he had a very good life.  Or so he thought.  He was born in dirt, picked at a young age and ended up living with his 147 brothers and sister in a very cold box.  One fall day, his cold home started moving. It felt like an earthquake.  The potato was scared.  He looked at his brothers and sisters in fear.  Before his head could even turn he was falling, falling, falling.  As soon as his bum hit the stones on the ground, he was up, up , up.  And soon he was sitting down again.  This time on metal, surrounded by open air and big trees.  The potato had no idea what was going on.  He felt like an artichoke. 2009 11 03_0140

The potato enjoyed the smell of the air and was wondering where this adventure would take him.  Before long he would know.  The giant metal box that he seemed to be sitting on began to move and soon the wind was blowing in his eyes and the sweet fingerling could not see where he was going next.

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When the metal box finally slowed down he found himself at some sort of market.  He followed the big potato's into the market and was shocked in horror with what he saw.  A box of his sweet cousins were being held hostage.  Oh no!  Before he could make a move he was back on the moving metal box.

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He found himself at a place called Dick's.  He stayed on the box.  He wanted no part of that.  Fingerling's do not play sports.

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Soon the golden fingerling found himself across the street from what looked like his home.  However when he went in to the restaurant he couldn't his family.  What was the young tater to do?

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Go shopping of course.  Everyone knows that Nordstrom Rack cures the potato blues...He shopped to his hearts content and was so tired that all he could imagine was his:

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Home sweet home.  "I'll be safe here," the young fingerling thought.  Too bad he forgot it was the Chef's day off***...muwah ha hah

***No potato's were hurt in this story.  Well until the Chef cooked 'em that is.

****If you really like me you will totally go buy my favorite (other than my husband) Chef's new cookbook, Live to Cook. It is an absolutely stunning book and the last page is my favorite of any book I have ever read.  Also if you want to meet the Iron Chef in person or see my Chef show off his skillz (yeah I added the z, what?), I suggest buying some tix to the Fabulous Food Show. Symon's signing autographs, cooking, and talking  & Johnny's doing 2 demos.   And... Bobby Flay will be in town which means you should come to The Greenhouse Tavern cause that man loves our wings and I am guessing he can't stay away...

How to Pickle Green Tomato's

Over the summer we stayed at a certain Iron Chef's home before we moved. He was on a fantabulous vaca with his wife and asked me to take care of his amazing garden. He also asked the Chef to pickle some green tomato's. The Chef being the busy man that he is, asked me to do it. I nervously obliged. Little did I know that I would have a very hard time finding out how to do it. The internet (my source for everything) would only tell me the cucumber pickling process. So I raised my middle finger to the interwebs and decided to choose my own adventure regarding pickling green tomato's.

Here it is folks. Don't quote me on anything and follow these instructions to your own avail. I take no legal responsibility if your pickled 'maters taste crappy or worse. I am still waiting to see how mine did. The Iron Chef has yet to tell me...

Oh yeah, and if for some reason Food Network is reading this, I AM SO ready for my own show. Times are tough for the widow family (a little extra cash couldn't hurt) and I really think that a cooking show about someone who has absolutely no idea how to cook is exactly what the American people need.

Cheers bitches.

If you are in need of the canning equipment, I sell the complete set in Widow Faire, my OpenSky store.

Buy Now

Movie Magic & Bacon Wrapped Dates

I may have given myself an ulcer yesterday. It really was one of the most nerve wrecking days in my life (besides my wedding and the results of Catcher's kidney diagnosis). The am found the Chef & I at the Idea Center in downtown Cleveland for an On Air interview on NPR. As I sat in the green room with Chef I totally started psyching myself out. It's hard not to. Everything is so dead silent in a radio station and you don't know what questions you are going to be asked...I was a mess (inside my head). The interview went off without a hitch and Dee Perry made us feel so at HOME. Plus her voice is by far the most soothing voice I have ever heard, besides this man.

To hear the interview in it's entirety click HERE.

After NPR I headed home to hang out with Biggie Smalls and CatcherCrazyFace.  We lounged outside, washed my car, and saw the next dog we are going get.  In a few years of course.

How enormous do my ladies look?  I look like this chick. Insane.

I had to go back downtown by 7pm to meet the Chef (who had been in the kitchen since 8am) for the Dinner Impossible Premiere party.  The Chef & David Lowe (the other Sous Chef on DI) recreated the menu that the DI boys served on Alcatraz.  It was DELISH.  The place was packed and everybody was up and arms at every break.  I, of course, got a bit emotional when it all started.  I am total cheese.  Mr. Kyle Roth aka Chef Paparazzo took some ridiculously fantastic photographs and you should totally check them out!  Here's a taste:

By the end of the show my belly was busting out of my denim skirt and I was ready to grab the chef, take him home, and watch the show all over again (amongst other things that we don't talk about here:).  In a perfect world. After I ate the soap I begrudgingly left the Chef and went to my 'rents to get my babies.

This morning I awoke to a naked 3 year old.  After I got him presentable for the outside world I packed up my car and headed downtown again.  This time the Chef & I would be doing an interview (on camera) with a TV station.  We headed to the new place and we were thrust into the interview.  It went OK and of course once I saw it I swore that I would NEVER again go on TV.  And I pretty much stand by that. Or at least until I lose a couple lb's...

It's been a whirlwind and it's been fun and it's been crazy.  It's a stressful and busy life that the Widow family lives but nights like last night shared with such supportive people make all the insanity totally doable.  Much love people.  Much love.